Midget sex pt 2 tonight
This girl is more easily done than said...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
