Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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