WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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