Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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