Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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