I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
