i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I want a musical about memes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
