Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't turn off my feet"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
