he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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