if you like me you must not know who I am
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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