theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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