I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
