Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
