I think I am morally bankrupt
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
