when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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