do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
