Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
