the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
