Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
