White coat. Heels.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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