Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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