3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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