You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
