About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
