i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
