We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
