Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
