just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
