I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize