Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
