So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
