he thought i was a dude.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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