Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
