She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
