i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
