he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
