I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
