Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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