It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
