I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
