Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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