If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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