If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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