...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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