I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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