I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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