remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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