she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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