so that wasnt chicken after all
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
