Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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