New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
