I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Just high enough for therapy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
